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About Varied / Hobbyist Member AlixFemale/United States Groups :iconpointy-eared-bishies: Pointy-Eared-Bishies
We <3 Pointy Eared Bishies
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Deviant for 6 Years
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I used to believe that the sky was the limit.
If I shot for the moon, I would land among the stars if I missed.
The crescent moon was my Cheshire cat grin.
All I would have to do was work hard and have the right attitude.

But, what if my work was not good enough?
The sight of an A made you shrug, but the sight of a C made you livid.
You would deny me when I was bad, but take all the credit when I was good.
Because my poor work was deceitful, I must not have been telling the truth.

You raised me not to hang around people who were a bad influence.
You married him after he ran out on you, and after he made your daughter feel like nothing.
You raised me to always take the side of my sister.
You turned a blind eye when she and her friends started to bully me.

You taught me to always be kind to people.
You called me worthless and a mistake with your eyes.
You wanted me to be successful in school.
You screamed at me for the slightest slip up.

With the amount of times I had to write sentences, I was an author by the time I was eight.
Yet you would allow my sister off scot free.
The stars were only visible when I was looking out the window.
I was always in trouble, always making mistakes.

When I became locked in the place you called home,
you treated me like I was some sort of monster.
You and him turned away, doting on the children you deemed worthy.
I dug myself further, holing up in my room.

I jumped from one room to the other, hiding away from you.
You always asked why I was hiding away.
Be more social, come out and live a little.
Yet, I was always making mistakes by just reacting.

My head would turn to you every time I laughed.
Your approval would mean I wasn't making a mistake.
My need for your love was interpreted as a dark need.
She saw me as a wedge in your relationship.

A mother can do no wrong, right?
After all, if she has three children, she must love them.
As long as they are perfect.
Or hers.

I was a pebble in her shoe.
A reminder of your past love.
She screamed at me, just like mother.
No doubt you only love the same type of woman.
She was always looking at me with daggers.
Her words stung when she would yank me in the living room.
Screaming at me in front of everyone.
At least mother hadn't yelled at me for a few years.

Hours would pass.
You would come home and join in, stretching hours into almost a day.
I was afraid of even leaving my room.
I found solace in the books I read, the stories I wrote.

Mirrors became my enemy.
The reality of the world I lived in was more than I could bear.
The only reason I didn't kill myself, was because you made me feel selfish.
You gave me the knife, called my bluff.

I was drowning in a sea of agony an pain.
But I was too selfish for you.
So you left me to drown.
Only to peek out to ask why I hadn't pulled myself out yet.

I did not drown, but the only life preserver I was thrown,
was watching someone else do what I had dreamed of for years.
A single gunshot wound to his chest.
Ending a marriage, robbing a child of his father, and leaving a family broken and in debt.

I was not selfish enough to end my own life.
But, sins were forgiven.
His years of abuse and sour attitude were forgotten.
If I spoke out, I was silenced, because I didn't know what he was going through.

I got into college, graduate high school without a single mark.
My wrists were clean.
No bruises, no scars.
Only the words of pain carved into my soul.

But, I had no reason to be angry, right?
After all, you never struck me.
Your never molested me.
All you did, was get onto me when I deserved it.

Your words scream in my ears.
They broke my spirit instead of my bones.
They made me hate the way I looked, scarring my reflection.
They violated my trust in myself, always making me second guess.

They made me think I would never feel love.
Never feel like I could be beautiful.
Feel like I was worthless, selfish, and always annoying.
I was something that should have never been born.
The hole I had dug myself into, became deeper.
I started to claw my way out, but you were quick to try and push me back in.
When I ignored your words, you tried to give me dirty looks and suggestions.
The soil crumbled, and I slid down.

I clung to the roots of those who had stood their ground next to me.
I was afraid to hold on too long, to drag them down with me.
But, I got out, and went to the world outside.
Now, I'm afraid to look up from the ground.
Stars and The Ground
I haven't been feeling good lately. 
Hanabi in the Snow by thefruitsong
Hanabi in the Snow
Hanabi is a young boy who serves as a foil to Zoey in DMB. He and his father will appear in chapter five or six. 
Happy Halloween From Zoey by thefruitsong
Happy Halloween From Zoey
Just because Halloween is a scary and spooky time, doesn't mean you should be safe. Zoey wishes you all a Happy Halloween! 
Men, women, loyal watcher. I am so sorry I haven't uploaded anything in a while. Long story short, I got a new computer, and I am still getting adjusted to it. Also, I am unable to locate my tablet pen. So I am waiting for a new one. The comic is still ongoing, just on a brief hiatus. 
Men, women, loyal watcher. I am so sorry I haven't uploaded anything in a while. Long story short, I got a new computer, and I am still getting adjusted to it. Also, I am unable to locate my tablet pen. So I am waiting for a new one. The comic is still ongoing, just on a brief hiatus. 


Linearts of drawings


Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm a novice artist with a spazz button that always goes off at in opportune times.

Current Residence: USA
Favourite genre of music: Trailer
Favourite photographer: none
Favourite style of art: Shoujo
Operating System: Spazzatron
MP3 player of choice: Mine
Favourite cartoon character: Cyndaquil or Eevee
Personal Quote: no one cares about the effort as long as they get their payoff

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Journal History


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Add a Comment:
x45boy Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the :llama:
Toxodentrail Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! Much appreciated!
thefruitsong Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem!
doubler554398 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2014   Digital Artist
I just wanna say it was awesome meeting you at Midwest Bronyfest
thefruitsong Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! Sorry I took so long, the trip killed my laptop charger!
doubler554398 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014   Digital Artist
you're welcome and it's alright
Rainikloud Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Dreambard Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the llama! ^^
Gem-Note Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi flyleaf! :)
thefruitsong Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello Gem Note! 
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